I had an interesting experience this week. Last Sunday, our gospel doctrine lesson was on ‘saving’ and ‘ rescuing’. Spiritually and temporally. The class had a good discussion based on
D&C 52:40, which reads:
“And remember in all things the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted, for he that doeth not these things, the same is not my disciple.”
I also like
D&C 104:18 on the subject:
“Therefore, if any man shall take of the abundance which I have made, and impart not his portion, according to the law of my gospel, unto the poor and the needy, he shall, with the wicked, lift up his eyes in hell, being in torment.”
Those are pretty strong words. If we’ve been blessed, we need to use our abundance to bless others. But the question may be “how?” – give $5 to the beggar we see on the street? Give him/her a sandwich? You wonder how you can really make a difference – in one life, or in many lives.
So, all the while, I was thinking about a homeless man who I see regularly at the freeway offramp near my office. Tuesday morning I was on my bicycle commuting past this offramp, saw him and decided to stop and chat with him. Generally, I wanted to get to know him and find out if I could do something to really help him. He was nice enough, and I think he was glad that I stopped to chat. It was interesting to note how specific he got with the things he “wanted”. I was glad to hear it, but what I was really interested in was his story; why he is where he is, what he truly needs, etc. So it was interesting to chat with him for a while. I found out that he grew up in Hillsboro (just 20 miles or so away), is now 57 years old and sleeping under a trussle bridge.
He told me about his horrible diet (primarily corn dogs, beer and cigarettes, all of which he had sitting there with him). He was very specific about the food he wanted me to get him (expensive delicacies, etc), and he was adamant about wanting a bicycle. I said I could probably make that happen (thinking of used bikes I could get a hold of, etc), but he wasn’t very interested in that. He wanted MY BIKE. The one I was sitting on at the moment. When I told him I’m not giving him this particular bike, but that I could get one for him, he started looking at my bike and telling me which accessories from my bike he wants (rack, water bottle cages, etc). It wasn’t that he wanted me to get a hold of similar items for him, we wanted me to give them to him right then and there. He was dead serious, and I found it intriguing how the conversation developed. I started seeing his sense of entitlement. He had been begging for so long, and people have been handing him something for nothing, he has become used to people giving him what he’s asking for. We talked about a number of other subjects, all of which helped me get a better picture of his situation and what might help. We talked about whether he wanted work (which he essentially did not, because he was specific about what he did not want to do…basically anything that required work and responsibility). I tried to be honest with him that, if I gave him money, I didn’t want him to spend it on his vices (beer, cigarettes), explaining that I want it to do some good for him, not contribute to the things bringing him down. So, I challenged him to quit drinking/smoking. He was receptive, knew it would be a good thing, but not interested. He said: “Ask me when I don’t have a bottle sitting next to me. It’s hard when I have it right here with me.” I appreciated his honesty.
All of these things revealed a little more and more. So, we got to the point in the conversation regarding his health. I was concerned if he had pressing health issues that need attention. He said “Oh, yeah. I need this tick removed!” He lifted his shirt to reveal a nasty wound right in the middle of his chest. I mean nasty. It looked like he had tried to work on it himself, because there was gauze and other items stuck in it (looked like possibly a napkin). It looked painful and dangerous to live with.
Destination: Boise: At this point, he started telling me about how badly he wanted to get to Boise, Idaho. I asked why, and he said there was a shelter there and free medical care. I said yes, absolutely, you need medical attention for your chest. He was insistent that I go buy him a bus ticket, one-way, to Boise. He told me his exact name to put on the ticket and even offered that I could make it non-refundable, so I wouldn’t worry about him cashing it in. I said, “I’ll see what I can do.” I explained Boise isn’t the answer for his medical situation, that there must be somewhere around here he could go. He acknowledged local shelters, but that medical care was way too expensive. He didn’t like my response and said he’ll be waiting right here until I return with the ticket. I told him not to hold his breath, but that, again, I’ll see what I can do to give him a hand. His primary need was medical care, and told me getting to Boise was the only way he would be able to afford it. I wasn’t sure if he was confused or feeding me a line, but I decided to take it at face value for the time being.
So, I ride away, hurrying to a meeting at work and really start thinking about how I could actually help this brother. I had approached him to find out what he needed, but instead he peppered me with a miscellaneous assortment of wants. Nothing of real substance. Interesting. I didn’t expect the incessant demands. But I had gained enough of a picture of his situation to do something. Later that morning I started researching medical options and how he could get his chest looked at. Regardless of how “entitled” he might feel and that I was not getting him specifically what he asked for, I felt strongly that no one in this great country of ours should be walking around with a nasty gash in their chest like that simply because he can’t afford medical attention. After a number of web searches and phone calls, I found a place where he could get free medical attention. Alternatively, he could also walk into any emergency room and get treated free of charge (non-profit write-off). I figured that, but wanted to find a better situation where it wasn’t a drain on the hospital/emergency room resources. It would also be nice to get him connected with a resource where he could regularly get attention when he needed it, not just an emergency room. I was able to narrow it down to a clinic one mile from him. I got the specifics about time/location printed on a paper along with a personal note from me encouraging him to get medical attention. I felt good about the information and that I would be filling his need, even if it wasn’t exactly what he “wanted” and how he wanted it.
I was excited to get the info to him, but I passed the location twice (Tues evening, Wed morning) and he wasn’t there. Last night, Wednesday evening, he was there and I presented the paper to him. At first, he saw me handing him a piece of paper and thought I was giving him a bus ticket. He looked excited. But as I was handing it to him, I was explaining about the medical clinic and how he could get his chest taken care of. He was incensed. “I told you Boise!” he yelled. I mean he was mad! He wouldn’t even take the piece of paper. He was even somewhat combative. I explained there are free medical clinics locally that he can take advantage of, that he didn’t have to go to Boise. He said: “Free medical?! That’s everywhere! I told you Boise!” I responded that he’s acting very ungrateful. I told him I had researched and made a bunch of phone calls to find him a doctor who would work on him for free. I also told him I was disappointed that he lied to me and reminded him that he told me "Boise" because he wanted medical attention, and now I find out that wasn’t the motive at all.
Did I handle that right? Maybe not. Probably not. I hate that I used the word “lie”. But I felt it was exactly what I needed to say right then. I wanted him to know that if I’m going to help him, there needs to be some trust and that I don’t want him to trick me. He definitely didn’t like that. I told him I didn’t appreciate his response, but he really should get his chest worked on. He said he could do that anywhere and was still fuming that I wasn’t handing him a bus ticket. I rode away on my bike as cordially as possible, saying I’ll see him later. This morning, he was in the same spot, and at the red light, I said, “Hey John! Good morning!” He acknowledged me, and I’m not sure if he wanted to say something because the light turned green and I rode away (on purpose). I intend to check in on him soon, but I felt this morning was too soon after the incident.
So, have I handled this the way you would? Probably not. I wanted to help and I feel shot down. He is stuck in a rut from years of begging. An organization is probably better equipped to help someone like him. So many layers of issues to work through, and his defiance makes it that much worse. So, I ask you: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” If so, what’s the best way to help someone like John? I plan to talk with him and give him nutritious food occasionally, but how can we really HELP? Life’s most pressing issues rarely have an easy answer. Especially when you’re on the front lines. Something to ponder.
Emery and I went to the Blazers-Clippers game last night. She is 9 now and is becoming more and more fun to enjoy a game with. I really love taking the kids to games. Especially the 1-on-1 time talking about the game…and whatever. It’s a fun tradition we’ve been enjoying each year. 
